This is my personal blog. This is where I explore the various pitfalls and triumphs in my life. It's a cheap form of therapy, I know...but I don't hold things back here. I don't expect you to agree with what I have to say, but everything I write here is the truth from my perspective...and I won't apologize for it. If what I say offends you, angers you, or effects you negatively in any way, my apologies. Feel free to not come back...I won't mind.

Tuesday, March 26, 2013

Playing to strengths

Maybe the reason so many men of late have become, or come out, as bisexual is that women have grown more and more picky...or stupid.

I’m kidding, of course, but there might be a grain of truth to that. That's not what I wanted to write about today, but it's a thought that's crossed my mind a couple times recently and I thought it was apropos in light of what the Supreme Court is dealing with this week.

To the dozens of readers that read my last post and number of you who commented, both publicly and privately: thank you. It gave me some perspective on an understandably dark day. I hope you will all be just as helpful after you read this post.

I spent the weekend (for the most part) eschewing social media. When you are depressed both emotionally and physically, and financially in no shape to do more than vegetate, things like Facebook and Twitter (hell, even Pinterest) only serve to make you feel even more sorry for yourself. Instead I read a lot of comic books, watched a lot of "Star Trek: The Next Generation", did some (bad) drawing, and did a lot of thinking. Oh, and I slept for almost 30 hours in 3 nights.

Here's what I came up with...
  1. I am a great guy with a lot to offer a mate/partner.
  2. I'm better off without the women from my previous relationships.
  3. I might be taking the wrong approach to this whole thing.
  4. Microwave popcorn might be the greatest invention of all time...with the possible exception of peanut butter. I don't believe this requires any further discussion.
Point 1
I’m not going to list out all my “good qualities”. They’re there and I don’t feel it’s necessary. Also, it feels like conceit and I’m not big on conceit.

It just feels like what I have to offer is undervalued...yet I can't understand what is being valued to replace it. Are women really looking "Jersey Shore"-style jackholes, scrub serial-cheaters, and men who make themselves feel bigger by marginalizing the women whom they claim to love? I've seen and heard a million (okay, maybe not a "million", but I've heard plenty) sob stories of this ilk and I have to know, how are these guys more desirable than me? Is it because I like sci-fi and don't have washboard abs?

Am I wrong? Where are all of these women who prefer “great guys” hanging out? We’ll get to that...

Point 2
One commenter from the other night, in private, said that me writing about the wrongs done to me by Peighton and Amanda seemed kind of petty and, while I disagree with him in regards to that post, to repeat myself now would be petty, if not downright mean...asshole-ish even. So I’m not going to do it.

However, when it comes to me, my faults and imperfections, I think it’s fair game. After all, I did just write about what was good about me...the fair thing would be to stay balanced, right?

How does this relate to me being better off without them in my life? Why, I’m glad you asked.

As cliché as it sounds, nobody's perfect...myself especially. I accept that I have issues...baggage, if you will. The thing is this...you don't get past the age of 25 without filling up at least a knapsack with "baggage" and you have to accept that in yourself and others or you'll go nuts. Some people have more than that...rooms full of baggage, houses full of baggage...and that's okay. It seems that some people can't seem to surmount this within themselves...or are so shallow that they aren't willing to work with the baggage of the other person. I've experienced both recently.

I guess what I'm trying to say is this...if they aren't willing to work with you at least as much as you are willing to work with them, then there's no way it can work.

The vice versa is also true, of course. You have to be willing to be patient patient and understanding, too. Sometimes that's the hardest thing. It's something I'm working on and I'm choosing to look at my last two failures with less regret and more appreciation for lessons learned. No promises that I won't still have mopey, depressed days, but I at least have a little bit better perspective on it.

Point 3
In recent years, I've not been one to let things happen. Between my first divorce and meeting Peighton, I had one (completely physical) relationship, which was fun, and that's about it. It was only after I'd been in Oklahoma a few months that I tiptoed into the world of online dating, had a few "meh" encounters, and then met Peighton.

Since my second divorce, I've re-entered the crazy world of online dating and, not to besmirch the quality of women in central Texas, but the variety and openness of women in Oklahoma City was much more abundant than where I'm at now. Suffice it to say, I have had a run of bad luck.

Right now I can't think of any better options than online dating.

There's work, of course, but most of the women with whom I work are either way outside my age range (I'm not a Harold looking for my Maude), unavailable, or dingy reporter-types (those of you who have worked in TV know what I'm talking about...*yeesh*). Besides, workplace romance can turn sour in unimaginably horrible ways and I like where I work and respect the people with whom I work too much to try that crap.

There are singles bar-type places, but I'm not much of a bar guy and I hate the idea of shelling out mounds of cash on drinks only to drive home with nothing to show for it. Been there, done that...no thanks.

There’s always church, I guess. Here’s the problem with that and spare me the lectures. I’m not a church guy. I have a tremendous amount of respect for people of faith. However, as someone who doesn’t believe in the concept of God as most Christians accept it, I would be, at least in my own eyes, a huge hypocrite to attend church just to find a mate. I hate hypocrites.

What other options are there?

I read an article a few weeks back that more and more couples are saying that they met at Wal-Mart. I guess there’s always wandering around that cesspool (the store, not the collection of people...except on Saturday afternoons), striking up random conversations with women who appear unattached.

PTA meetings? Lots of single moms attend those...

I’ve considered volunteering, but can’t seem to find opportunities where I know I can contribute...unless I want to spend evenings at one of the hospices. They’re always looking for volunteers. Alas, I know myself well enough to know I couldn’t handle that. There’s an arts initiative thing starting in May in Waco that I’m considering...and there’s apparently an open invite to join the Temple Community Band.

I’m in a couple meetup groups locally, and they’re fun (except that they keep planning stuff eitheri last minute or near the end of a pay period when money’s tight), but I run across the same problems...age or attachment.

This is where I could use some help...advice and suggestions welcome (especially from the ladies)...Where can I go, what can I do, other than continuing with online dating only to meet women of quality...who might appreciate what i have to offer? How should I best play to my strengths?

Anyway, for those who were worried about me, I’m getting better. Better, as always, comes in fits and starts, but it’s coming. Thank you for your support and I look forward to hearing from you all.

1 comment:

  1. Hey, I know I pbly won't say too much that can help, since when I'm feeling down sometimes, there is nothing anyone can tell me. First off, I will apologize for any wording or bad grammar, since I am not a morning person and my brain does not function correctly until at least noon regardless how early I wake up.
    Anyway, my personal opinion is that you are fresh out of a relationship, and right now you need to take some time out to focus on yourself. I know that sounds cliche, but rebound relationships usually just don't work. I've known too many ppl who just could not live without a relationship, including one dear old friend of mine, who I had to lose since that one relationship turned her into a drug addict. Then there's those like me in my younger days. If the one I briefly dated didn't get on my nerves, I ended up being my immature self and running them off. Then again, I am now married and going on 8 yrs in Nov. But I've chosen my fair share of wrong ppl, and have survived my fair share of emotional and physical pain. Here's food for thought: I still think back on the nice guys I dumped and wonder.
    But here's another point. I am married. I wake up with someone, work with that someone, and spend every minute of my life with that someone, but I am still a lonely person. I mean my best friend is a fucking bird for god's sake! Even though she can practically carry on a conversation, I can't exactly take her "Good birdie" advice. There's certain things I can't talk to my husband about without him thinking I'm unhappy because of our marriage. I can't even talk to my parents who question my happiness because it makes it look as if that is it to those around me creating undesired drama. I'm not exactly here to talk about my issues which I've got plenty. Point is, even if you are with someone, lonliness can occur.
    From my own personal experience, it is often better to take a step back and take some personal inventory. You seem to be a great guy who is intelligent, funny, creative, and many other qualities. In all reality, Amanda seemed a little immature to me (only going with things I've gathered from you), and she's pbly not worth your time. Now I say that also because I think breaking up via FB is just cowardly. You really should take some time out to focus on yourself, not to repeat. Maybe surround yourself with some good friends. Hell, I almost envy you in the sense I NEVER get to take time for myself!